Bad thoughts are running through my mind. I am breaking down soon.

I just want to delete everything in my mind, like how simple a file can be deleted in the computer.

Sometimes, I just want something to happen to me, and these memories can be erased from my life.
Deleting all of it away from me, and make my mind like a brand new white paper.. I wish I could..

These nights..
I just can't stop myself from thinking, even though I know I should get over it.

I am tired..
Tired of forcing a smile, when I am hurting inside.. Hurting myself with those useless thoughts of the past. Useless me!

Everything is fine. My family, my life, my relationship..
Yet, stupid brain! Why are you doing this to me?! Why can't you just stop thinking of all the negative thoughts that are already in the past? It does no help, but spoiling my mood.

I am having random thoughts these days.

I wish I can go back to the past to correct my mistakes, to change those bad things that shouldn't had happened.
I wish I have walked through the right path in the past, and maybe things will be different now.
I wish I can be stronger mentally and physically, so that I can deal with all the shit stuffs that had happened to me.
I wish I have rejected those jerks in the past, and I will feel more 'cleaner' now.
I wish I can control myself in the past, and I wouldn't have hurt anyone.
I wish I could have stand up against myself, while dealing with bitches, instead of making myself look weak.

Fuck it! Why am I making myself suffer like this?